When relationships break down, we can often forget how the troubles even started. Emotion has a way of clouding our judgment like this, making logic and reason just a little harder to find. We can even start to doubt our own judgment, turning to friends for advice on our relationship.
When it comes to deciding something as important as who you should spend your future with, I think it is essential that you find a way to figure it out on your own terms. Friends and family no doubt want the best for you, but they are unknowingly biased by their own life experiences. For this reason, seeking professional help for a troubled relationship is often hugely beneficial.
So when it comes to the crunch about whether or not to fight for a broken relationship, what should you be considering? Here are some important things to keep in mind.
When you feel truly valued by your partner
In my experience as a trained life coach, and as a human being, I believe this factor to be of huge importance. And it is so simple too. If you can turn off all the chatter in your head, look into your heart and ask yourself, “do I feel truly valued by them” and answer yes, you have something to fight for.
Finding a partner who sees who you are, understands you and loves you for being you is one of the most precious gifts in the world. If you have experienced a relationship where you were not valued for being yourself, you will absolutely know the difference without a shadow of a doubt.
When your gut says yes
If you have been thinking about ending the relationship, is that your gut talking, or your fear? How can you tell the difference? As a general rule of thumb, I find fear to be an ‘internal chatterbox.’ Fear wants to justify itself and will provide you with a list of arbitrary reasons why you should move on.
A gut feeling is an intuitive sense of right and wrong. It can be hard to feel or hear over the noise your fear makes, but try to tune into it. When I am trying to calm my fear and let my gut speak I take myself for a long walk on my own, which usually works like a charm.
When it is not just about history
I remember, before I ended my last badly broken relationship, telling my counselor that I did not want to “just throw away a 5-year relationship.” My logic at the time was that I had put a lot of work into our relationship, and 5 years felt like too big an effort to just walk away from.
What I later came to understand was that my logic was flawed. I was focusing on the past. To suggest that I should spend more of my time pursuing something that was wrong for me just because I had spent 5 years previously doing that was the time-related equivalent of throwing good money after bad.
So ask yourself if you can honestly see a happy future with your partner. If you have not only a history, but also genuine hope for the future, then you may well have something to fight for. But do not just stubbornly hold on to a bad relationship where you see more of the same pain in your future, like I was trying to do.
If you have been good together in the past then you may well have lots more happy memories to create together. Calm your mind and listen to your gut. Then calm yourself and listen to your partner. No harm ever came from listening.